The Vegas of the midwest.

Have you heard of Branson? Of course you have. It's the home of Dolly Parton and the rest of the Osmonds. You know, the ones that no one remembers the name of. It's where old people go for vacation. It's very cute, all of these sweet little old couples riding in on their busses into Branson, MO and walking around the little shops and going to see Dick Clark's museum. The thing about Branson is, you see all these commercials for it and think, "huh, it's probably a lot like Vegas." Flashy, but cool. Then you drive in to Branson. It's not like Vegas (not that I have first hand experience. I've never been to Vegas). Vegas has a mini Eiffel Tower, Branson has a giant bust of Ronald Reagan. Outside a t-shirt stop.

Vegas has giant fountains. Branson has a replica of Mount Rushmore with the heads of Marilyn Monroe, John Wayne, Charlie Chaplain, and a face that is either James Dean or Elvis. It's very hard to say. Also, King Kong.

Like Vegas, Elvis performs everywhere. But the tourists in Branson just might be senile enough to think that Elvis is actually performing there.

Here are some more of the gems that this wonderful place has to offer:

A pizza place with giant instruments poking out of every window.

A giant rooster (are we seeing a giant pattern?)

A highly insensitive Titanic museum. You can't see it, but the marquis says "Now Boarding."

Driving past it gave me the heeby jeebies.

Really low flying helicopters.

Random airplanes on top of mini golf courses.

A roller coaster named after America's favorite pastime. Lumber Jacking.

About 20 minutes outside of Branson, though, the flare and gaudiness is gone. There's a really sweet resort that we stayed in. There was horse back riding. And indoor swimming pools. And miniature golf. And giant hot tubs. And paddle boats. It was beautiful.

She's little and sweet.

It took mom almost the whole ride to realize that there was a spot for Ollie to sit that wasn't on her lap. Luckily she had the only kid who could actually operate a paddle boat.

The babies used the adults' life jackets as tug boats. It was incredibly entertaining, but it did mean that the adults had to turn the boat around several times to go pick up the lost tug boat.

Apparently this is how Dahlia smiles.