(for protection, names of ridiculous persons have been changed)
My first job was at a well known national fast food chain. It was awful. I was on my feet all day long, I didn’t get breaks (no one did, unless they smoked), and I came home smelling like French fries.
Possibly the worst part about it, however, was the people employed there. Because it was such a horrible job, they had a hard time keeping people there. Especially the night cook staff. This was mostly comprised of high school aged males, and at one point, they were all stoners.
One young man in particular stands out. Let’s call him Stoney McStonerson. Well, in true cooks fashion, Stoney came to work one day very much…under the influence. This led good little Stoney to place his hand in the fryer. So he got fired. But Stoney had to come back. He had left his clothing in the back. He came back high as a kite. And insisted that they were going to give him his job back. How wrong Mr. McStonerson was.
Stoney had a girlfriend. We’ll call her Lou Ellen (mostly because I actually can’t remember her name, but I’m darn sure it wasn’t Lou Ellen). Lou Ellen had a tendency to overshare. She would tell you anything. Anything, even if you had absolutely no interest in knowing. She also said it in a high squeaky voice. And she was a close talker. She got right up in your face.
Then there was Doloris. Doloris wasn’t just fired. She was arrested. Why, you ask? Well, let me tell you. Doloris thought that it would be a good idea to steal money from her fellow workers (like me), the company, and the customer. The first two don’t take a ton of thought, you just take the money while they’re not looking. The last one, though, that took some strategizing. Doloris memorized a customer’s credit card number, then every time she would be paid in cash, she’d come charge that order to said credit card. Apparently Doloris didn’t think that the woman was smart enough to realize that she hadn’t spent thousands of dollars at a fast food restaurant when her bank statement came. Smart.
After I left my fry cook on Venus stint, I worked for a company that made big machines. For the most part this was a great job. I worked with great people that I love, and the kid who worked in the cubicle next to mine was extremely chivalrous and smelled amazing. But, there were some crazies there as well.
We’ll call the first one Brett Bretterson. That’s what we called him, even if it wasn’t his name. Brett Bretterson had a dislike of my sister and I. He didn’t like that we made noise during our break. But that’s alright. We didn’t like that we could overhear his phone conversations about “what to do with the dead body in the back of the truck,” or that he felt the need to give us constant math lessons on how “32+8=40.” And I’m sorry, Brett, but “you fool, it can’t be done” is not a question.
Then there was Rancher. A sexual harassment suit waiting to happen. From all of the stories that I’ve heard from other people about Rancher, I’m wondering why he lasted as long as he did. The man was probably at least 55 years old, had 6 teeth, and a chronic smell of cigarette smoke (poor guy, he should really get that checked out), and thought he was God’s gift to women. If you were female and you moved, he assumed you were incurably attracted to him. And he acted like you were. He was a charmer.
Lastly, there was Jeremiah. Jeremiah, despite the fact that he was twenty years older, had a LARGE crush on Kathleen (because she’s not ridiculous, her name is the same). He professed this love daily by leaving her a bag of peanut mm’s. Had Kathleen loved peanut mm’s, this would have been a beautiful gesture. But she didn’t. Now everyone we worked with there hates them with a fiery passion from overexposure. Bleh.
So, there you have it. Ridiculous jobs that I have worked. There are more, and I will share them with you at another time. But if this post gets much longer, I fear you won’t read it all.
Carrie, I love your drawings and I want to hear about the rest of your jobs!
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