'Tis the Season

Almost...ish.

Today is a very chilly day here in Oklahoma. I have every intention of changing into my big puffy sweater very soon.

All I really want to do today is curl up and watch Christmas movies and listen to Christmas music.

I know, I know. It's only October 27. We're still a month away from when the radio stations start playing Christmas music and Rhema opens it's grounds to the wonderful beauties of lighted trees.

But you know what? I don't care. I'm feeling Christmasy. And you're supposed to keep the Christmas spirit with you year round, right?

So, why shouldn't I watch Elf and While You Were Sleeping (other than the fact that I don't actually own them)? Why shouldn't I have hot chocolate while listening to the miraculous vocal chords of Zooey Deschanel? You're right. There's no reason. There's also no reason you shouldn't be listening, too.

So, here you are.

The haunted house

Today I inadvertently went past my elementary school. I saw something that I hadn't seen in years, something that I had pretty much completely forgotten about. Something that used to strike fear and terror into my heart. The haunted house of Vandever.

Everyone who attended Vandever Elementary knew about the haunted house. We ran faster past that house when we had to run laps. We kept our eyes away from it when we looked around the school yard.

In my memory, the man who lived in this house had one leg, 7 fingers, and no teeth. He ate kittens for lunch. And he was married to a ghost. Who slashed elementary school kids. Now that I look at it, I realize that it's really not that scary. But it sure was when I was 9.

Pretty sure it's called puppy chow.

Kiddie chow just sounds barbaric.

Sundays make me look like a frat boy

I swear, without fail, every Sunday leaves my room looking like a 19 year old boy's college dorm.

It always starts out clean, but I end up messing it all up after doing the weekly "I have nothing to wear to church" routine (I'm very good at it, trust me, you don't want to miss this performance, I've gotten raving reviews). After this spectacle, I'm usually running a tad bit later than I wanted to be and leave the remnants of my morning on my bed, which eventually get moved to the bench, and finally the floor, making my room look like that of a frosty tipped, red bull swigging imbecile with his collar popped.

I have this and I like it.

These are some things that are awesome that I have in my possession.

Zitch Dog!

Today, I hit a milestone. A big one. And yes, I did listen to 500 miles while it happened.

What are you waiting for?!?!

Over the past several weeks, I'be spent quite a bit of time driving on 169 through Tulsa (that's a highway).

Both going east and west on 169, there's an odd billboard. A picture of an adolescent boy with the words "I'm waiting."

There's no company name, no logo, no indication of what they're waiting for. It bugs me.

So, sometimes I yell at it, "for what?!"

Then I keep driving and forget about it.

Really, Target?

You're that popular? So popular that for the last 20 minutes I've been trying to get on your website, but I can't, because there are too many people?

I mean, I get it. People love you. I love you. But, it's not Christmas. There's no big event for people to be suddenly crazy online shopping for. Unless 3 million people just got an overwhelming desire to order their Halloween candy online. Jeez.

You even sound pretentious. "We're suddenly extremely popular!"

And the stuffed dog? He's mocking me.

Alright, stop.

Collaborate and listen.

Yes, I did have to start this post that way. Why?

Because this post is about the hard hitting lyrics of Vanilla Ice.

But, more about my brain, and how it doesn't forget things.

In order to tell this story, though, let me go back approximately 8 years and 11 months.

Because that's when I turned 14 and started going to stake dances.

Maybe other LDS kids growing up didn't think that those were very fun, but believe me, when I got to that golden age and got to start going to a dance once a month, It made my teenage heart beat faster at the sound of certain songs.

A*Teens' Bouncing off the Ceiling

Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On

Kelly Clarkson's Since You Been Gone

But, most of all, Vanilla Ice's Ice Ice Baby

I wanted to be really cool when I was 14, so I got it into my head that I should learn the lyrics to Vanilla Ice, because then all of my friends would know I was cool. So I did. And believe me, they did.

(You should know that I had a really bad hair cut and needed something to make people see past that)

Over the past month, I've spent a lot of time driving by myself in my car. In order for me to do this, I usually need to sing. Just so I don't get bored. I learned over these past few weeks that I've still got it. I can still sing along with Vanilla. I'm not as good as I was when I was 14, sometimes I mumble.

But, if you guys would like to, we could have a sing along party with me and Ice, just remember that anything less than your best is a felony.

Yo, man. Let's get out of here.

Word to your mother.

Darkness falls across the land, the midnight hour is close at hand.

Well, guys, it's fall times again. All I want to do is wear sweats and eat soup and carve pumpkins.

AND, with the new development of Pinterest, I have found a ton of Halloween decoration ideas that make me just want to live at Hobby Lobby (which, incidentally, a lot of people think I do. Our phone numbers are only one number off. They tend to argue with you when you tell them that your house doesn't have a fabric department).

For example:

Maybe I'll be rainbow bright for Halloween. Hmmmm.

The middle

I did it, guys. I figured out the secret to having a middle part that I feel comfortable enough with to wear in public.

You don't believe me do you? Is it because of this post? Yeah, I know.

Well, I figured it out. You have to curl it. (Tadaaaa!)

Look, I'll prove it.

Woot.

sometimes i'm weird.

I don't like it when keys fit teeth down. It just seems... pretentious.

Don't ask me why. I really don't know.

It just makes me cringe a little every time I put a key in a door and the teeth don't face up.

Which stinks, since my front door is like that.

Also, that's awesome.