Book Club, part 2

Alright guys, here's the second installment of my running (albeit sporadic) commentary on The Magic Christmas.

When the curtain opens back up on our favorite blue/green eyed twins, we see them waking up on Christmas morning with absolutely no excitement about the impending family tradition. So little excitement, in fact, that they let Todd play Santa Clause. Gross!

Todd gets his basketball, not curling iron, so he's happy in his life. Jessica and Elizabeth each get really cool presents, but neither one cares because the "most amazing presents in the entire world" that they gave were not appreciated beyond their wildest dreams.

The last presents opened are the special ones from G-Pop and G-Money (thanks to Jameson for those awesome nicknames). The girls excitement spikes a little. Is it diamonds? That really cool purple dress with the shoulder pads from the mall? Who knows?

Yeah, Jessica totally would have worn that dress.

They know. As soon as they open them and find Harlequin dolls.

This is not Jessica and Elizabeth's year. First they have the biggest fight ever about their presents, and now their grandparents don't understand that they are way too old to play with dolls.

These aren't just dolls, explains G-Money (foreshadowing). The dolls, of course, come with a lesson. They are creepy family heirlooms passed down for generations, first belonging to the twins' great grandmother and her (shocker!) twin sister.

These twins also had a falling out and said they'd never speak to each other again. They were in love with the same man. Both Jessica and Elizabeth think that this is a stupid reason to fight. Why in the world would you fight over you future? Idiots. The older twins never spoke after their fight, because the one that wasn't engaged to the man got him arrested for illegally manufacturing moonshine (which he wasn't actually doing).

Obviously Elizabeth and Jessica's fight is much more legitimate. Fighting over presents definitely trumps fighting over husbands.

The dolls' faces mirror Jessica and Elizabeth's faces, but they are mixed up (as pointed out by Todd. He was using his noggin). Jessica has the stoic and solemn one, where Elizabeth has the goofy smiling one.

The dolls also have riddles around their necks (ugh! more homework!?). Which have painfully obvious answers, but neither girl seems to be smart enough to figure it out. Let's see if you can!:

Together apart,

Wheels on a cart.

Unite all these things:

Eyes, feet, and wings,

Scissors and socks,

Hands found on clocks.

Dolls harlequin.

(Great rhyming. I know)

Together apart,

Joined from the start.

Answer this well,

Escape the dread spell.

Answer again,

And magic's your friend.

Add a good rhyme,

Escape one last time.

After moodily listening to the story of their ancestors (who cares about that?) the twins drift off to sleep more disappointed and upset than they were that morning, with the added creep factor of the dolls sitting in their rooms.

The girls don't get a good night's sleep, and in the middle of the night, at the same time, they both suddenly wake up knowing the answer to the riddle (pairs!).

As soon as they realize that wheels on a cart come in pairs, the strangest thing starts happening. The dolls slowly start transforming from creeptastic dolls to very attractive boys who just happen to be their age! (I like to think of this as looking an awful lot like what Harry and Ron look like when they turn into Crabbe and Goyle).

Liz chases her smiling doll out of her room, down the stairs, and out the door. While he's tall and humanesque, his mouth has yet to be fully functioning. As he steps in to the glittery, gold light of the street lamp, he tries to motion to Elizabeth not to follow him, but she's too dense to understand. She follows him right into what we will soon find out is called the "vortex" and gets swept away.

Meanwhile, Jessica takes a more hands-on approach to the Alice in Wonderland dream like state she's just been shoved into. She won't allow her doll to leave her bedroom, which in turn makes her bedroom the vortex, and she too gets taken to the Hidden Kingdom (dun dun dun).

Ok, kids, now that we're out of Sweet Valley, this book is about to get a LOT more interesting, so you should probably stick around.

Teaser of what's to come: The twins escape death by mysterious creatures, try to figure out their feelings, and make something out of nothing.

Book Club, part 1

If I were to run a book club right now, I would choose this book to read.

Why, you may ask? Because I have recently re-acquired this book, and have been reading it, but I have all these comments to make, and no one to say them to. So, since I can’t bring you all together to discuss this fine piece of literature, I will give you my commentary in a few installments, while I continue to read what is, in my opinion, Francine Pascal’s finest work.

As the book’s title suggests, this Sweet Valley Twins novel is a special holiday edition. The book starts on Christmas Eve, with Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield in their respective bedrooms, with their respective friends, wrapping their respective presents to each other, while discussing how incredibly perfect the gifts are with these friends.

In true Elizabeth fashion, she has written a story about she and Jessica’s seventh birthday party, her favorite memory of herself and her sister. Of course she did this, Elizabeth is the twin that only cares about studying and homework. After all, we are only two pages into the book, and she’s already mentioned being the editor for the Sweet Valley Sixers (the sixth grade newspaper) about ten times. Elizabeth’s friends are all jealous of Jessica’s present, since they’re all nerds, too.

At the same time, across the hall, Jessica is sitting with her friends in the Unicorn Club discussing the totally awesome present that she got for Elizabeth. (Yes, my lovelies, she’s that tweenage girl. The one who started the Unicorn Club. It’s basically the precursor to the Plastics)

Jessica got Elizabeth two tickets to the Save the Whales concert.

Whaaat?! They also come with two bus tickets, so that the two thirteen year old girls can go by themselves. If that isn’t enough, she also bought her that really cool rose pin that they saw at the mall together (I know, I was thinking the same thing, what was Elizabeth doing at the mall? Then I realized, she was probably going to the bookstore, the boring one).

Once both twins have wrapped their presents, they go downstairs to talk to the rest of the family. They have a fun little sparring session with their idiot brother about what they got him for Christmas. Todd wants a basketball, but Jessica and Elizabeth convince him that they bought him a curling iron.

After Todd is sufficiently disappointed and his spirits crushed, Mr. Wakefield, his wife and his son go to the airport to pick up Grandma and Grandpa. Jessica and Elizabeth stay at home to open each other’s presents.

Like I said before, each girl thinks that her present is the best present ever, and that her twin will love it. They are each BURSTING with excitement. Jessica opens her present first. She is slightly disappointed when she sees the framed picture of her seven year old self, but brightens up a bit when she finds out there’s more…until she realizes the more is a story. After a half-a’d attempt to hide her disinterest in Elizabeth’s life work, she pushes it aside and shoves her gift into Lizzie’s hands.

Elizabeth opens the gift with tears in her eyes, and much less excitement than Jessica was expecting. For some reason, she keeps repeating that the concert is on January 1^st. Eventually, this all makes sense, as the Sixers have a meeting that day. Obviously a meeting with a bunch of pre-pubescent, glasses wearing, pocket-protector toting teachers’ pets is way more important than the concert that Jessica saved her money to get tickets for.

Jessica is very offended by Elizabeth’s skewed priorities, and says that she should be grateful, especially since the gift she received was so lame. Elizabeth spits back that her gift actually had meaning, it was important in their lives, whereas Jessica didn’t even take the time to check her schedule before buying the tickets. Jessica yells that she got homework for Christmas, and this fight continues to get worse. Eventually, it ruins Christmas Eve and It’s a Wonderful Life for the whole family. The girls go to bed early on Christmas Eve, and everything is not copasetic.

Teaser of what's to come: More angst from the blue/green eyed duo, some obvious (and idiotic) statements from Todd, and we'll find out what makes this Christmas so magical.